Planning a Wedding

Muslim weddings

• Muslims favor weddings during the month of Shawwal and avoid weddings during the sacred months of Muharram and Ramadan. Sunday is favored for weddings because it is the start of the week. The Islamic year follows a lunar calendar, so corresponding Gregorian dates vary from year to year – consult your local mosque to determine when dates will fall.
• The Groom arrives at the ceremony, attended by a “serbala” (youngest boy in his family), and is given floral garlands in welcome.
• The ceremony is conducted by an “Iman” who reads from the Koran.
• The Iman will advise on ceremony structure and marriage requirements; however, elements of Muslim weddings may include gender separation requiring men and women to remain separate during the wedding, often at opposite ends of the room. The bride, heavily veiled, and the groom are seated apart during the wedding, often at opposite ends of the room.
• The bride’s father and two witnesses ask the bride if she has agreed to the marriage and the Iman asks the groom if he has agreed. If they both agree, the Iman completes the marriage certificate.
• A meal is served after this ceremony, but the bride and groom remain sitting with their parents.
• After the meal, the bride leaves, puts on all the jewelry she has been given for her wedding, and returns to sit next to the groom and her veil is lifted.

Military weddings

• If the groom is a member of the military, the military dress uniform is appropriate.
• Depending on his branch of service, the groom may decide to wear a sword or saber. If he does, the bride stands to his right at the altar (instead of to his left, as traditionally done in non-military weddings) in order to avoid the blade.
• If the bride is in the service, she has her choice of wearing either her military dress uniform or a traditional wedding gown. Either way, she may hold a bridal bouquet.
• Marine grooms should wear white gloves and carry sabers. Navy grooms should carry swords. All military grooms should wear military decorations boutonnières.
• If some wedding party members are in the military and others are not, service members may be asked to wear civilian clothes.
• All saber and sword bearers should wear white gloves.
• All high-ranking officials must be seated in positions of honor at both the ceremony and reception. Additionally, a special place should be reserved for the commanding officer of the bride and/or groom.
• If the couple’s parents are not present, it is customary to seat their commanding officers and spouses in the front pew. Military guests should also be seated according to rank. Traditionally, officers are seated directly behind the bride and groom’s families at the ceremony.
• As soon as the ceremony is over, the ushers line up on either side of the aisle to the chapel steps and form an archway with their sabers (swords). At the head usher’s command –“Draw sabers (swords)”—the ushers raise their blades, edge up, into the air, carefully forming an archway. The newlyweds pass under the archway, and at the command –“Return sabers (swords)” – the ushers return their weapons to their sides. They then turn and escort the bridesmaids down the aisle. If weather permits, the arch may be formed outside the entrance to the ceremony site. Though specific commands and protocol may differ based on the military branch of the commissioned officer; the arch is a military wedding tradition highlight.
• In the receiving line, the uniformed groom is to precede his bride.
• The American flag and the unit standard are displayed during the reception.
• To cut the cake, the sword or saber bearers enter the reception room in formation in front of the wedding cake, facing each other. The bride and groom pass beneath the sword/saber arch again, and approach the cake. The groom hands his new bride his unsheathed sword/saber, and with his hands over hers, they cut the first piece of cakes together.

Jewish weddings

• Jewish weddings may be held anywhere that a canopy or Chuppah can be decorated and may be constructed in a fixed position or held by special attendants. The Chuppah covers a small table with two glasses and a bottle of Kosher wine for the blessings.
• All close family members are traditionally included in the procession down the aisle. The aisle may need to be as wide as 6” to accommodate everyone in the procession.
• The service is usually conducted in a mixture of Hebrew and English. The ceremony ends with the groom stomping on a glass while the guests cry “Mazel tov,” meaning good luck and congratulations.
• Following the recessional, the bride and groom retire to a private room for several minutes before they join the reception. This tradition, known as yichud or seclusion, symbolizes the couple’s right to privacy. Traditionally the couple shares their first meal together, so they are often brought a small plate of favorite foods.
• The reception begins with the hora, a spirited tune that is a signal for everyone to get up and dance in honor of the bride and groom. Then the blessing of the challah, a loaf of braided bread, celebrates family and friends. The meal often concludes with grace and seven special benedictions, sung in Hebrew.

Hindu ceremonies

• Ceremonies in India can last all day, although in the US they last about 90 minutes. The bride usually wears a red sari embroidered with gold, plus 24-karat gold jewelry presented to her by the groom’s family. The groom wears white trousers, a tunic and a ceremonial hat, or he may wear western dress.
• At the beginning of the ceremony, the bride and groom, usually seated under a decorated canopy called a manclap, exchange garlands of flowers.
• After emphasizing the importance of marriage, the priest places the couple’s right hands together with cord and sprinkles them with holy water.
• A sacred fire is lit and the bride and groom make an offering of rice to symbolize their hope of fertility.
• The most important parts of the ceremony are the seven circuits around the fire; until this rite is completed the couple is not married. The seven circuits symbolize food, strength, wealth, fortune, children, happy seasons and friendships.

Sikh ceremonies

• The Sikh wedding ceremony, “Arnand Karaj” or “Ceremony of Bliss,” takes place before noon because according to sikh belief morning is the happiest time of the day.
• The bride wears either red trousers and a tunic or a red sari made from a single piece of cloth and red headscarf, plus the jewelry given to her by the groom’s family. The groom wears a white brocade suit, a scarf and a turban or he may wear western dress.
• Wherever the ceremony is performed, a central platform is used, upon which the Holy Book is displayed by the person conducting the ceremony. Guests sit on the floor around the platform, with men to the right of the Holy Book and women to the left.
• The parents of the bride welcome the groom and his parents by placing garlands around their necks. The bride is brought to greet the groom and they exchange garlands.
• The couple stands before the priest and the Holy Book, and the bride’s father hands one end of a sash to the groom and the other end to the bride – this symbolizes giving her away.
• The ceremony is comprised of four verses from the Holy Book that explain the obligations of married life. These are read and sung. During the singing, the groom leads the bride around the Holy Book four times. After they have walked around four times they are married.
• After the ceremony, the brothers of the groom toss flower petals to protect the newlyweds from evil. The bride’s hands and feet are painted with henna patterns. 

Christian weddings

• Wedding photographs are taken while the guests arrive, mingle and enjoy a drink. Music should start at this time.
• The reception traditionally starts with the bride and groom standing a receiving line to greet the guests and thank them for sharing the special day. It is important to remember that there are many different options when organizing a receiving line. The exact format is for the bride and groom to decide.
• Seating charts are lists of guests’ names with their designated tables. They should be displayed both alphabetically and by table number in a frame near the entrance of the reception. In addition to the seating chart, place cards may be used at each table to designate assigned seats· After all guests are seated, the head table may enter. The entrance of the bridal party may be announced by the Captain, Maitre d’, or in many cases, the DJ/bandleader. The procession may begin with a fanfare from the band and the words “Ladies and Gentlemen, please welcome the bridal party”.
• After the first course is cleared, the bride and groom dance the first dance. Then, the father of the bride dances with his daughter and the mother of the bride dances with the groom for the second song. During the third song, the father of the groom dances with the bride and mother of the groom dances with her son. The mother and father of the bride dance together. Then, the best man dances with the bride and the matron of honor dances with the groom. The mother and father of the groom dance together. Finally, the bride and groom dance together, while the best man dances with the matron of honor.
• Just as the head table is finishing their entrees, the Best Man’s toast should be made with whatever champagne/wine was served with dinner· During cake cutting, the bride puts her right hand on the handle of the cake knife and the groom puts his hand over hers. The groom feeds the bride the first bite and she feeds him the second, symbolizing commitment.

Asian weddings

• The Chinese bride may wear either the traditional red silk dress or white gown; however, she changes clothes frequently during the reception. Once a status symbol for the family, this is now done mainly for fun. The couple should marry on the half hour, so that they will begin their new life together on an upswing of the hands.
• In Japanese ceremonies, white symbolizes “new beginning,” so Japanese brides wear anything from a white silk kimono to a modern white wedding gown. The bride is covered in a white silk veil. The ceremonial drinking of sake. A ceremonial sampling of various types of food to represent the tasting of joys and sorrows. For the reception, the bride changes into an ornate robe called an “irouchikake”, and later, she changes again into the “furisode”, the kimono of the unmarried woman, symbolic of the last time she will wear it. 

African American weddings

• Jumping the broom is a custom that originated during the era of slavery. During that time, slaves were not permitted to marry so they developed their own rituals. The couple stood before witnesses, pledged their devotion to each other and then jumped over a broom, a symbol of the start of the couple’s homemaking. Today, many modern African American couples include the ritual in the wedding plans. The act of jumping the broom is generally held either after the officiant has pronounced the couple husband and wife or as the couple enters the reception room.
• At the end of the ceremony, the eldest member of each family holds a ribbon across the aisle for the couple to walk through symbolizing the “cutting” of their primary ties with their family.

How can our personalities show through our invitations?

While traditional verbiage is still used in today’s invitations, more and more couples are allowing their personalities to show in the type of paper stock, typeface and color choice. A big trend today is the use of a logo developed just for the big event which can be used throughout the wedding, beginning with the invitation.

Are wedding favors necessary?

While it is not necessary, it is always a nice token of appreciation for sharing your wedding day. Customary table favors are set either 1 per person, 1 per couple or alternating two coordinated items. Always ensure the items selected are thoughtful and memorable to the event. In lieu of a table favors, couples are also choosing to offer parting treats as a fond farewell.

Is it acceptable to allow my bridal attendants to select their own dresses?

While it is traditional to have the bride’s attendants in the same attire, today we are seeing more brides giving their attendants independence to select a style that is flattering to their figure and personality within a specific hue.

What do I do if I do not want children at my wedding?

It’s not appropriate to make sweeping statements on your invitations. Instead make sure your invitations are addressed explicitly with only the names of the guests invited. As back-up, you should also pre-arrange for a children’s hospitality suite with nanny service at the wedding venue.

How can I communicate to my guests that I would prefer them to donate to my favorite charity in lieu of a gift?

While the tradition of gift giving is a social norm, it is completely optional for your guests. If you want your guests to donate to a charity or the cause of your choice in lieu of a gift, you can include this on your personal wedding website or through word of mouth by family and friends. Never include this information on your save the date cards or invitations.

What do I do if the bride and groom have different cultures/religions?

In interfaith marriages, the cultural and religious traditions from both the bride and groom are often incorporated into the ceremony. This gesture symbolizes the new unity of faith between the couple while paying tribute to both heritages.

Is Champagne the only beverage used for toasts?

While champagne is the traditional beverage used in toasts, today’s fashion forward brides are customizing the beverage to accommodate their favorite libation, seasonal drink or lifestyle/cultural family heritage. For example, naming a martini after the bride’s dog who could not attend the wedding.

Does my wedding cake have to be white?

Today, it is totally acceptable to have various colors, shapes and sizes. Many couples are opting for individual cakes, cupcakes, or a dessert that represents the bride and groom’s personality such as an ice cream bar, pie station, fondue display, Viennese table, ethnic pastries, etc…

What do you with your flowers after the wedding?

Some suggestions are to offer them to your guests to take home, reuse them for a post wedding brunch the following day or donate them to a hospital, charity or local foundation.

How long do I have to send out my thank you cards?

Ideally, you would send thank you notes throughout the pre-wedding period as you receive gifts. A timely thank you is proper etiquette, so the sooner the better; however, it is never too late to be gracious. Remember to personalize the thank you note specific to the gift or include a memory from the big day.

Who should plan the honeymoon?

In the past, the groom was known to plan the honeymoon; however, today it is viewed as a grand vacation and is planned by both the bride and groom. This includes all of the research, making the reservation and arranging all of the details prior to your departure (i.e. children, pets, mail delivery, house sitting arrangements, etc.).